And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak then I am strong. -- 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

I pray this encouragement for you. This is my verse for the day as well.

I'll just sum it up by saying that nothing I do is ever good enough. And I always feel guilty.

Been there, done that. It's hard, isn't it, when the one place you think you ought to find support and solace from the outside world is just as harsh or ambivalent? I remember wondering when my family was going to take my side against those who'd been making my life a living hell.

Hang in there, Susan. It's probably little consolation right now, but maybe God is trying to build something in you, make you stronger through these adversities. I certainly know what it's like to be in an "I hate people" mindset. It's very easy for me to slip into too.

Sorry for the ramble. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. And you're also appreciated and loved.
Take care.

Hang in there Susan.

Jen, Jared & Bill,

Thank you so much for your kindness and encouragement. It really, really means a lot to me and it does help me...I am feeling better now. :-)

Hey, if you need to rant, make it a good one.:^)
It's hard to help others when you don't feel well yourself, hang in there.
God is awake.

Yes, He is, Bene. Thank you. :-)

Take some time for yourself if you can. As a single mother I feel as you do sometimes too. If only for a few days, or hours, I call it 'intensive care' mode, where I let go of my feelings of not good enough, and guilt, and just take care of me for a while.

Will pray...

God is still there, and He still cares. It is just that the enemy has put up some briar bushes in the way.
You are worthy of all the love and care that is out there.
Today is Easter Sunday. I pray that you are doing a little better today.
And I agree with you on the medical profession. Being a member myself, I have to say that many of us are so frazzled by our daily fights that we sometimes forget the whole purpose of what we do - which is to help others heal. Please accept my aopologies on behalf of those you encountered who did not take good care of you either physically, mentally, or emotionally.

Laura & Alicia,

Thank you both so much! I am feeling closer to God now...perhaps all these difficulties which persisted during Lent were His way of drawing me closer. I have been able to have some time for myself, and that has helped tremendously.

Alicia, no need to apologize! :-) I was frustrated at some erroneous information I got about a medical test I had to have (which wasn't really my doctor's fault, but the fault of the people responsible for making my appointment). I also was frustrated because my Mom has shingles and has been in a lot of pain, and her doctor seemed reluctant to give her sufficient medicine to relieve her pain. He finally did so, though, so her pain is now manageable.

Hi Susan -

You wote "Where does God fit in when I'm feeling this way? I don't know...you tell me. Because I can't pray when I'm like this."

Just a quick note to say I pray things are a bit better - at least in some way.

And - just another thought. Maybe you can't pray when you "feel like this," but I hope you can. Skip the idea that prayer is some sort of goody-goody fancy sounding langauge spoken only to God. Talk to God the way you would anyone else. If you happen to be pissed at God for awhile, go ahead and tell God you're pissed. Seeing as it was God who created you in the first place, I'll bet God will also know your moods vary - and will even know why your moods vary. I think God would feel complimented if you pray to him when you "feel like this." It means you trust God enough as a friend to unload on him.

Keep us posted on how're you're doing.

Hi Doug,

Thank you so much for your encouragement. :-) When I pray, I do sort of talk to God and if I'm angry, I express it. I've often said I was sorry to God for being disrespectful. I think He knows my heart and knows that I was just angry.

Sometimes I feel alienated from God, and that's when I can't pray. I really think this alienation is a wedge that Satan tries to drive between me and God. The prayers of others really do help me during those times.

Talking angrily to THE LORD is *NEVER* acceptable. He is YOUR MASTER, and you are HIS SLAVE.

This "God is love" trash ain't nothing but liberal revisionism that's been accepted in the "churches" for decades. Yes, He loves, but He only loves the WORTHY. From the looks of it, you're going to Hell. You ungrateful harlot.

Mark,

First of all, your IP address (216.97.180.63) has been banned.

Second of all, I deleted your second comment, which was a nasty personal attack on another commenter and included a link to Fred Phelps' site.

You seem to be very sure of who is worthy of God and who isn't. This is very arrogant of you. You should really work on that pride problem. Obviously, you are not as perfect as you think you are.

I never said talking angrily to the Lord was acceptable. I repent when I do it. Do you repent when you go around blog comments calling people names?

One more thing...God is our master and we are his servants, not slaves. There's a difference.