I created this to make fun of Olbermann and other people who seem to want to forget that 9/11 ever happened, NOT 9/11 itself. I just wanted to make that clear for the stupid and the troublemakers.
Make your own Obama platitude with the Barack Obama Quote Generator. The parameters I put in came up with these three platitudes:
"I think it's time we had a national conversation about independence. We need to get past all the money and recognize that we are our own best hope for overcoming work. We need handouts, not soap. Handouts are our dreams. And we need to have change in independence."
Generate your Barack Obama quote at Buttafly.com
"These people haven't had dreams for fifty years. So you can't be surprised if they get bitter and cling to their money and their soap and their work. That's what my campaign is about. Teaching all the little people in this country that they can have handouts."
Generate your Barack Obama quote at Buttafly.com
"You know, there's a lot of talk in this country about independence. Well I think Americans are tired of the same old money. Ordinary Americans believe in handouts, they want less
soap, they just aren't sure if their leaders believe in dreams."
Generate your Barack Obama quote at Buttafly.com
I'm breaking my "no politics" fast with this:
Various quotes from Obama supporters (and from Obama himself) are scattered throughout. Could you imagine the pants fillings and rants about "theocracy" there would be if those things were said about a conservative?
Also don't miss the ending quote. It's a very prophetic one from G.K. Chesterton.
(Via Darleen's Place.)
More: This site is hilarious.
*Update: And to think, all this time I've been mishearing the lyrics to that song.
Did you know the Church of Scientology released an album of rockin' tunes -- with lyrics (and singing!) by L. Ron Hubbard himself -- back in 1986? Here's the evidence:
Oh, boy...there are no words. Laughter is the only response. BTW, I very reluctantly put this in the "Music" category, as I think this is an insult to music.
*Christian Contemporary Music...it doesn't seem so bad now, does it?
(Via GlossLip.)
Update: To those who may wonder if this is for real -- yes, this is a real album.
...after the previous post.
As some of you already know, I'm a huge fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000. I buy the DVD collections as soon as they are released, which is a good idea because in the past, Rhino has had to discontinue collections when a license holder changes their mind about one of the movies.
However, it will be a long time before all of the shows get released on DVD. (And according to this list, some will probably never be released.) So there are, um, other ways to attain these shows in the meantime. One favorite of mine that is "extremely unlikely" to ever get a DVD release is episode 508, which features Operation Double 007 (aka Operation Kid Brother). It is a James Bond knock-off starring Neil Connery, brother of Sean Connery. Here's a trailer for the movie:
You can watch the entire MST3K episode (divided up into ten parts) on YouTube right here:
And I have to say that this is my favorite sketch. In order to get the sketch you have to see the part of the movie, near the beginning, where the bad guy swaggers around in his bathrobe doing bad guy things. (It's in part two and starts about one minute in.)
One more thing. If the theme song to this movie were available on iTunes (yes, I actually checked), I would totally buy it. I know that's all kinds of wrong. (You can hear the entire theme song in part one starting at about the 6:30 mark.)
I've been meaning to do this meme for a while and I finally got around to it. I first saw it over at Barb's place. Here are the directions:
1. The first article title on this page is the name of your band.
2. The last four words in the last quotation on this page is the title of your album.
3. The third picture on this page, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.
You then take the image editing software of your choice and create your album cover using the image, band name and album title. This is what I slapped together:
Unfortunately, I haven't yet installed all my fonts to my new PC, so I had to use what was already available. I think this band name and album sounds like a 1970s progressive rock band.
BTW, Malakasa is a small town in Greece.
I've been under the weather the past few days and I've also been depressed. But this video put a smile on my face.
I hate to admit this, but I had to laugh at and agree somewhat with this post at Hog on Ice. I have talked to some co-workers who feel the same way...they like Thompson, but they perceive him as just not having the "fire in the belly".
Come on, Fred! Take some Geritol! Take some Adderall! Drink some Red Bull...something!
Incidentally, Fred Thompson visited my town a couple of weeks ago, but I didn't find out until the day before, so I couldn't plan to take off work. Oh, well.
I ran across this story on LGF just now and had a good laugh, since over the past week I've been arguing with Rawn Pawl supporters in various comment threads who are convinced that he is the most pro-life, pro-morality, socially conservative politician that there has ever been in the history of America.
Dennis Hof, owner of the Moonlite BunnyRanch near Carson City, says he was so impressed after hearing Paul at a campaign stop in Reno last week that he decided to raise money for him.
I would hate to know what kind of fundraiser this guy would have...
Update: An offended commenter notified me of this Slate article on the story. Nothing in the story is false...Fox just sexed it up a bit (pun intended), which they are known for doing.
However, Slate pointed out two more hilarious details that Fox missed:
One of the best details in the AP story is Hof's plan to put a "collection box" outside the brothel's door for patrons to donate money to Paul. It's not in Fox's story.
No comment necessary. **snicker**
One more detail that Fox inexplicably eliminated: The damning revelation that MSNBC anchor Tucker Carlson emerged from a limousine with prostitutes at a political event. Have Rupert Murdoch and Roger Ailes gone soft?
Slate also mentioned that apparently, Carlson is buddies with this pimp guy. Ooookay...
...all five of you. Just kidding...sort of.
Christopher Johnson's blog is a regular stop because he channels his frustration at the liberal goofballism in his former(?) church into humor or into point-by-point smackdowns.
For you frustrated orthodox Episcopalians out there who don't wish to "swim the Tiber," there is always the Lutheran Church - Missouri Synod. We're orthodox and we'd be happy to have you. :-)
In lieu of actual blogging, here's some funny MST3K-related stuff from YouTube. There is a lot more than this, of course. Somebody posted the entire Jack Frost episode on there, which I need to watch before it gets taken down or something. (It's not yet on DVD and it is one of a handful of Sci-Fi era episodes I never got a chance to tape.)
BTW, sorry for the lack of blogging...I've just been tired and busy. Also, my main PC is in the shop and I've been using the iBook that runs off the Firewire drive. My Internet connection is sometimes really slow. I was using Firefox on the iBook, but it's so sluggish, I decided to go back to using Camino. Now where were we...
Oh, yeah...
First, while this is not MST3K, this features a movie that made one of the funniest episodes ever. Somebody made a trailer for Prince of Space:
Now, here are some scenes from MST3K's episode featuring Prince of Space:
There's more after the jump...
Here are Mike and the 'Bots riffing on a South African stinker called Space Mutiny:
Finally, here's a clip from the MST3K episode featuring a truly goofy Italian "superhero" movie called Pumaman:
From the site:
This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:* pain (4x)
* hell (1x)
Just think, four years ago I was G-rated. Where did I go wrong, or right...depending on how you look at it?
(Via the ever-provocative Rachel Lucas.)
Apparently, this woman lacks the ability to do either.
That gave me a much-needed laugh this morning after being really depressed. It's amazing how a little laughter can lift your mood. I have a co-worker who sends funny emails and the link to the above was one of them. His only comment was, "Does this woman not own a mirror?"
And yes, I can laugh at this even though I'm not exactly in-shape myself. But I don't go around in public wearing sports bras and spandex shorts either, nor do I go around auditioning to be a cheerleader.
Note: Changed link because the original one was dead.
...even though I was trying to stay away from this subject (on my own blog, anyway) and even though two of these humor pieces have a whole bunch of profanity (although it isn't gratuitous). They are just too funny not to share. If you are unfamiliar with the controversy that inspired them, you can get caught up here and here.
First, here's the work-safe humor piece from The Curt Jester: Edward Tracts (John Edwards meets Jack Chick). Via Mark Shea.
Now, here are the profanity-laden pieces from Iowahawk. Like I said, considering the subject, the use of profanity is not gratuitous and it is used to hilarious effect (especially in the second one):
Both via LGF.
Okay, back to lurking and trying not to post too many comments on other blogs for somebody on hiatus...
Update: Here's one more funny one from Darleen's Place.
Final Update (2/13/07): Pwned! Via MVRWC.
Susan is a pretty common first name. It is, in fact, the 25th most popular first name according to this site.
However, my last name -- which starts with a "B", of course -- is very uncommon. In fact, there are less than 3,700 people in the U.S. with my last name.
So what does this mean?
(Via The Coalition of the Swilling.)
Well, this has been a really depressing morning for a variety of reasons, so here's some humor to cheer myself up and you too, if you need it.
I originally posted a link to this one way back and I found it again on YouTube. It's called "Gay Boyfriend":
Also, last week, Barb was asking what our favorite Weird Al Yankovic song was, and I went to YouTube to look for this one, but it was down for maintenance. I just remembered to look for it again. Here's "Another One Rides the Bus". People who have ridden the city bus have told me that this song is pretty accurate in describing the experience:
Enjoy!
Some humor for you this Wednesday morning. An oldie but a goodie. Catch this one fast, though. Apparently EDS keeps making YouTube remove it:
After yesterday's negativity, I think it's fitting to link to this jewel from the Contra-Crunchy blog: The Crunchy Granola Song.
"If you like crunchy granola
making flour out of grain
have a house near the ghetto
ride a bike or the train
If you'd like reading Kirk at midnight
growing organic dates
I'm the guru that you've looked for
email me and escape."
“American Snapshot” Meme
According to a book about Americans, the average American:
(Via Andrea Harris.)
Until life calms down a bit, I'm still on a sort-of hiatus. So, here's something fun for you to play with. The funniest thing is that there are people who actually say things like this. And they're serious.
Thanks to Sean Gleeson for creating this wonderful toy. I'm thinking about putting the "fun-size" one on my sidebar.
I have seen the light. I now understand why they hate us. As an American, I sincerely apologize for such evils as Gore Vidal, Madonna, Liza Minnelli and Elvira.
I will now become a pacifist and give all my money to Amnesty International.
Not.
I just have to link to this observation on Aaron's cc: because it gave me a much needed laugh. Thanks Aaron!
Way back when, I created a personal South Park character. Well, that was almost three years ago...I've changed a lot since then. I let the perm grow out, I weigh about 50 lbs. less and I wear different glasses. So, via Andrea and Ilyka, here's an update using the new South Park Studio:
Yes, this one is more flattering. The hair color is more accurate, too. My glasses are oval-shaped now, but that's close enough.
Some time ago, I decided to block search engines from spidering my archives because I was getting too many pr0n searchers and I was getting tired of seeing their disgusting referrals in my Sitemeter logs. However, the search bots can still access my main page.
So, imagine how amused I was when I saw this search in my referrals a few days ago. Because of this post in which I mentioned that Maureen Dowd is a shallow hack, my site is fifth in the current Google results (I think it was second a few days ago). But look at what's number one -- the American Spectator article I linked to with that post.
Well, the post of mine that accomplished this has now scrolled off my main page. However, I want the world to know that Maureen Dowd is a shallow hack. So pardon me while I give the shallow hack Maureen Dowd exactly what she deserves.
You know, this is almost enough to make me consider allowing the search engines to spider my archives again.
One last thing...did I mention that Maureen Dowd is a shallow hack?
You can make a cartoon picture of yourself at this site. I look sort of like this:
(Via Twisted Spinster.)
A few months ago, I ran across a $1 bill stamped with a URL: www.wheresgeorge.com. I had to use the dollar to pay for lunch with my Mom, but I remembered the URL and checked it out later. Where's George is a site that tracks paper money. Unfortunately, I could not enter the information for the dollar on which I saw the URL, since I had already spent it.
Today, my Mom ran across another dollar bill stamped with the URL, so I went to the site and entered it. Here is the tracking report for that dollar. So far, mine is only the second entry.
I know the first one isn't very original, but I think the second one has some promise:
(Via Wizbang's Kerry Sloganator.)
Received via email: The Satirical Political Beliefs Assessment Test. My favorite:
What is your vision for America?CONS: Two Maine lobsters in every pot, and a BMW in every three-car garage.
LIBL: Clean air, clean water, clean energy, clean food, clean underwear, and dirty movies.
LBRT: Make America a place where government institutions don't micromanage people's lives.
COMM: Implement a fresh, new and revolutionary redesign of corporate hierarchies in America's businesses.
This is funny, but don't laugh too much. The way things are going, most of America will probably look like that in about thirty years.
(Via Queen of Pith.)
I thought it might be fun to play conspiracy theorist with the help of this site. (Via Rosemary.)
[Kook Mode]
Tin foil hat is on and adjusted...
George W. Bush rigged the 2000 election so that big corporations, white men, SUV owners, and gun owners could conquer Michael Moore.
George W. Bush lowered taxes so that big corporations, Republicans, Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, and SUV owners could steal from welfare recipients.
George W. Bush allowed 9/11 to happen so that The Jews, oil companies, and the Christian Coalition could offend Muslims.
George W. Bush invaded Iraq so that oil companies, SUV owners, and gun owners could upset The French.
George W. Bush gave Iraq reconstruction contracts to his friends so that big corporations, oil companies, white men, and SUV owners could oppress The United Nations.
George W. Bush caused the Cubs to lose to the Marlins in Game 7 of the National League Championship Series so that Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, and white men could oppress women.
George W. Bush had Michael Jackson arrested so that The Jews, white men, and the Christian Coalition could invade minorities.
George W. Bush has not captured Osama bin Laden so that big corporations, oil companies, Republicans, and gun owners could kill liberals.
Let me add that Bush is a big, dumb doodyhead who has kept me from reaching my true potential. I hear black helicopters overhead, so I've gotta run...
Tin foil hat off.
[/Kook Mode]
So here's your moment of Zen for today.
(Via Rev. Mike.)
And this really made me laugh!
(Thanks to Dodd.)
Just because I'm in that kind of mood, here's some completely insensitive humor for you:
And this did the trick: Why Do They Hate Us, Dude?
They hate us because of our paternalism. For much of the developing world, America is a despised father figure, an embarrassing bald 53-year old regional sales manager who “surprises” you during Parents’ Weekend while you’re completely toasted and listening to Radiohead at the dorm with the other developing nations, and then he’s all like, “how are classes going?” and “seeing any girls?” and “boy, I sure wish I was still in developing nation college!” and you’re like “shut up, Dad, you’re embarrassing me in front of Sri Lanka.” That is totally uncool, man.[...]They hate us because of our obscene greedy culture. America consumes nearly 25 percent of the world’s resources, which it refuses to share with the developing world. This, again, is like the despised father figure who drives around in a new gas guzzling Dodge Durango, and when the developing world needs more resources, it’s all like, “what did you do with the last check I sent you?” like $300 is suppose to last an entire month. I mean, as if, Dad."
You can create a portrait of yourself at this site. I look kinda, sorta like this, except I'm blonde.
(Via E-Pression.)
The other day, I linked to the worst Halloween costumes of all time. Now, here's more badness: Worst Album Covers Ever.
(Via The Rattler.)
I don't have a problem with Halloween, personally. When I was a kid, I loved to dress up in costumes and go trick-or-treating. Tonight, I will hand out Tootsie-Roll Pops to the trick-or-treaters. I even carved a pumpkin this year. Why? Because it's fun, and jack-o-lanterns look cool.
I understand that some have reservations about Halloween. So, why not celebrate Reformation Day instead?
One more fun Halloween link: The Worst Halloween Costumes of All Time. You know, I think I actually remember some of these. And no, I did NOT dress up as any of them! (Via Daimnation.)
Update: Joshua Claybourn posts on the history of Halloween.
Update 2: Havdala at Doves and Pomegranates has a very interesting post about ancient Celtic culture and Halloween.
You know, I really must read Scrappleface more often...
(Via Mark Shea.)
Wooden computers? Nah, just a very amusing parody site...
(Via Mark Shea.)
Did you know that today be Talk Like a Pirate Day? Well, you do now. I translated this post with t'English-to-Pirate translator. And, I'll have you know, me pirate name be Mad Dog Rackham, so you better watch yourself!
(Via a whole buncho'folks.)
I think this video clip is really funny. (Via a comment on LGF.)
It's nice to have a good laugh after a crappy day...
Do not pass Purgatory, do not collect $200!
Rednecks, Hipsters
Circle I Limbo
Parents who bring squalling brats to R-rated movies, General asshats
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind
Greens, Democrats
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow
PETA Members, Militant Vegans
Circle IV Rolling Weights
Internet Trolls, Hollywood Leftists, Michael Moore
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled
River Styx
Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton
Circle VI Buried for Eternity
River Phlegyas
Ted Rall, Scientologists, Noam Chomsky
Circle VII Burning Sands
Qusay Hussein, Uday Hussein, NAMBLA Members
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement
Saddam Hussein, Osama bin Laden
Circle IX Frozen in Ice
(Via laughin.)
Bene Diction recently linked to The Gender Genie, a site that analyzes your writing to predict if you are male or female. I submitted eight entries...six were correctly identified as female, and two incorrectly as male. So, I guess I write like a girl, for the most part...
Incidentally, I got a referral from this page, which is some sort of web scavenger hunt. My site showed up under "A website with a purple background". That it has...if you're using the default skin. A comment about my site says, "it's purple, but a little girly". Yep, it's girly...not that there's anything wrong with that!
Darn that Lileks! Now I've got that stupid theme from Maude going through my head. And you know, I never realized what one of the lines from the song was really saying until I read this Backfence column:
Joan of Arc had the Lord to guide her / There was a sister who really cooked
Pee. Yoo.
Yes, Maude...the strident, 1970s Norman Lear liberalism, the thoroughly whipped husband, the Maudewear™ and all the charm of Madame Defarge.
Just for bringing up Maude, Lileks deserves this Photoshopping of his picture over at JunkYardBlog. And I don't feel as guilty now for laughing at these Fark desecrations of that same pic.
Here's one of the more coherent poems Rob's Amazing Poem Generator came up with for my site:
LilacRose dot nu
Skins Change the whole reason
you to disastrous results.
Apply your
Animal Personality? brought to post.
I did lie and deftly refuted.
Posted by susan b.
at God.
(Via King's Kid.)
Growing up in the 1970s, I had one of these. (I had no idea they still sold Lite-Brites.) You can now recapture part of your childhood with this site.
Look what I made:
Taking a cue from Dean, I'm going to use haikus to comment on a couple of much talked about items of the week:
Such hysteria
About Santorum's remarks
Just get over it
Ditzy Chicks find out
When all else fails, get naked
Airbrush works wonders
Need some readiness tips in case of a terrorist attack? The US Department of Laughs has some suggestions. (Just a warning -- some profanity and off-color humor.)
Here's my favorite:
-- If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.
(Via Blended Perspectives.)
I translated my page with this Snoop Dogg translator and literally laughed until I had tears in my eyes. The translator does come up with some mild profanity, so be warned.
(Via The Rattler.)
Read it now...I'll wait...
In such a situation, I would try very hard not to laugh. But if someone else starts laughing, all bets are off. I do feel bad for the, um, perpetrator, who's probably still in that stall.
One of the great truths of life: flatulence is funny. And if you say you don't think it's funny...you're lying.
(Via Wendy Cooper.)
Introducing the LilacRose mirror site!
(As seen on MCJ and InstaPundit.)
I’ve had a rather crappy past few days, but I’m feeling a little more cheerful this evening. So, I’m going to post a few fun things.
The Norwegian Blogger does it again. This time, Mike and the ‘bots are riffing on some really bad poetry (subsidized by the taxpayers of New Jersey).
Now, if New Jersey must have writers of silly, left-wing poetry as poet laureate, I suggest they get The People’s Poet next time around.
As an MST3K fan, I would be remiss if I didn't link to Norwegian Blogger Vigard Valberg's two MSTings of idiotarian drivel.
(Second link via LGF).
Viking Kittens (Via Meryl Yourish.)
Punk Kittens (Via Blogfodder.)
I don't check the referrals on my site meter too often. But I decided to take a look today. I've seen other bloggers post the...um...interesting Google searches leading people to their blogs. Now it's my turn...
Of course, there were many music-related searches, like people looking for info on Woven Hand and Scarlet Crush. There was a search looking for Blue Angels pictures. There were several searches about the new adoption law in Florida.
There were also a ton of searches looking for the Playboy Bunny icon. Sorry, not here...
Then there were these searches:
playboy+with+muslim+girls (#2)
playboy+philosophy+download (#1)
hugh+hefner+blog (#4)
huge+hefner+jewish (#25)
Funny how this one little post has caused this blog to show up on all these Playboy/Hugh Hefner searches. And this post is just going to make things worse. To all those who get here because of those searches, here's an article you might find interesting.
Create your own PowerPuff Girl (or boy) with the PowerPuff Portrait Studio. If I were a PowerPuff Girl, I'd look something like this:
I was blogsurfing this evening and found this on E-Pression, the Ya-Ya Name Generator. I've never even heard of this book and apparently there's a movie coming out soon. I ran my name through the generator and came up with...Duchess Curses-Like-a-Sailor. Well, only if I get really, really angry.
